THE ITALIAN WHO WENT TO NEW YORK

(Must be read with an Italian accent)
One day ima gonna Nuyok to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want to piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onma plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say you better no fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.
So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: -Peace on you.
I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy.